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September 10, 2007

“Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves…” (Philippians 2:3).

My husband and I are in marriage counseling. Yep. There it is. Not just a marriage conference in San Francisco where I got to go whale watching in Monterey Bay (you are so good to me, Hugh), not just date nights, but…well, Alicia. That’s the name of our really capable, really wonderful, really Spirit-led marriage counselor.

Here’s how it went down at our house. First, like I’ve mentioned before, Hugh and I have really close friends who have gotten divorced in the last year. These are couples we never thought we split up. Ever. Second, we have gone through a lot of changes in this past year. New job, new church, new family relationships…it seemed like we were becoming too busy to talk – and when we would talk, it was more biting and less loving.

A few months ago, we drew a line in the sand. NO MORE, we decided. We will do whatever it takes to have a radical, loving, passionate, close marriage. It’s going to be a lot of work, but it will be worth it.

These last few months have been hard for me in some ways. Our counselor has been showing me some of my attitudes and sinful habits and how they contribute to conflict in our relationship. Also, I am still struggling to figure out how to give more of my time, focus, and energy to my husband. I have to remind myself that, after my relationship with the Lord, there is nothing more valuable for me to do than pour into my marriage. Hugh matters. Our future together is important and worth fighting for.

The benefits of our counseling? Well, we’re talking more intimately than we have in a long time. We are choosing healthier ways to express negative emotions to each other. And..we’re laughing together more. We are more relaxed in each other’s company. More affectionate.

It’s more how our relationship used to be before we allowed the busyness of our life to start eating away at the thing we valued most.

It’s been really good. Hugh is still the amazing man I married and I’m learning to slow down and realize that again.

God, thank you for my marriage. Thank you for what you’re teaching me in this season. Please help me to continue to learn how to make my marriage a priority. I love you.

3 Comments leave one →
  1. Amanda McEwen permalink
    September 10, 2007 10:54 pm

    And thank you Father for Alicia!! Thank you for using her in my life as well. Continue to annoint the time spent with her. In JESUS Name!

  2. September 11, 2007 4:29 pm

    I applaud you for reaching out for preventative counseling. Kudos to you and your husband! I have had the busyness of life weigh down my marriage too. We were growing apart, not just as a couple, but as an entire family. We cut back on many activities that were apart from the family. Each child stopped participating in one activity and my husband and I both stepped down from responsibilities that were pulling us in different directions. it was the best thing for us.


  3. November 4, 2008 6:27 pm

    I so admire you for taking that step. Honestly, every marriage I know has some kind of struggle. Taking two sinful people and putting them together is just HARD. Only by God’s grace does any marriage survive and thrive. Good for you for finding godly counsel to help on your journey!

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