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Enemies

October 10, 2007

There are a few areas that I have really failed in. Ways that I have so deeply done the opposite of how God was leading that I am forever completely dependent on Him for my daily life. Totally and completely.

The area of my biggest failure is pretty unique. My sin was odd, and if you heard my story, I know you would cry for me and my family. Guaranteed. The problem now is that even though I have left this failure on the altar, I am having difficulty trusting myself again.

If I messed up before and it really hurt those that I loved…what if I do it again? What if I somehow miss the Lord again and find myself a million miles away from His voice and His plan?

In one of the Mitford novels, Jan Karon wrote about Father Tim reading Psalm 27…This Psalm, like so many others, talks about enemies surrounding the psalmist, on a mission to kill, steal, destroy. The enemies, Father Tim reflected, were the familar enemies of his life…shame, fear, discouragement. I tucked that away and read the Psalms with a new awareness of my enemies.

The enemy of fear. The enemy of shame. Back again this morning as I pray through my failure and wonder how to move forward.

The Lord is my light and my salvation – so why should I be afraid? The Lord is my fortress, protecting me from danger, so why should I tremble?…When my enemies and foes attack me, they will stumble and fall. Though a mighty army surrounds me, my heart will not be afraid. Even if I am attacked, I will remain confident (Psalm 27).

I don’t have the answer to my question. I still don’t know what to do to ensure that once again I don’t make a mistake that harms the people I love. But I don’t need to be afraid. I can trust that God is my fortress, and that my old enemies will stumble and fall.

So, I wrote out this verse today. Still unsure, still worried. I still have scars from my past and I am learning how to trust Him. But I can pray and speak and whisper His word today when those feelings rise up against me. 

I will remain confident in spite of my feelings and choose instead to trust in the truth of the Lord.

Amen. 

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One Comment leave one →
  1. October 13, 2007 10:58 am

    (((hugs))) The enemy will try to cause doubt about our past mistakes, but rest assured, God does not. Rebuke those thoughts Jess. God loves you and he already knows that we’re sinners, and He STILL loves us. :O) He has not come into this world to condenm us, but to save us.

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