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Stream of Consciousness

December 30, 2007

It’s raining outside. My favorite sound is the rain. It makes me feel cozy inside, like I’ve just eaten a bowl of soup and am about to read a really good book.

My two-year-old is still asleep. It’s 11:15. I guess our trip to Indiana wore her out more than I realized.

But it’s so great to be home in my own little house, drinking my own coffee, and in my own purple prayer chair.

My husband and son were up early and out the door to church. Then Hugh called me after church to let me know that he and Jon-David were going to breakfast together and then going to pray and read their Bibles. Sometimes I love my man so much it actually hurts.

I’ve been sitting in my prayer chair for over an hour. I read Psalm 2 and wrote out my devotional guide questions. I prayed for a while for my family, and I drank my Maxwell House coffee. (Note to self: go buy Starbucks House Blend today. Also, bread.)

And my prayer time with the Lord was good, not great. “God,” I prayed, “I am extremely distracted this morning. I keep looking at the rain and thinking about how to talk to my grandmother about possibly moving because of her health…” Then I trailed off in my prayer and continued watching the puddles in my backyard.

And that’s where I’ll land in my post. My grandmother. And the worry I am having right now about her future . I have the huge responsibility of taking care of her. Sometimes I feel inadequate. I’m thirty, not fifty, and I don’t know if I’ll make the right choices. Gram trusts me and Hugh completely, and I am afraid of making a mistake. I love my grandmother so much and I want to care well for her.

Psalm 2 is all about angry nations and wicked rulers. God laughs at them. They are ridiculous. But the Psalm ends with the phrase…”what joy for all who take refuge in Him!” So today I’ll watch the rain and enjoy being home. And when I worry about the decisions ahead of me with my grandmother, I’ll remember that I have an inheritance of joy found in the Lord. I’ll trust that He is my refuge and that He is in charge of this situation.

Ahh. Exhale. I trust you, Lord. Oh, and Lord, please help me to be more focused during my prayer time tomorrow. Amen.

One Comment leave one →
  1. December 31, 2007 1:09 pm

    I saw myself in you today. There are times when my thoughts wander away from prayer too. It’s then that I realize that the Holy Spirit wants to speak to me about that thing that caused my mind to wander in the first place. What does God say about you caring for your grandmother? She’s a very special lady to have you love her so much. What a treasure she has in you.

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