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About to Break

July 24, 2008

…Because of God’s tender mercy, the morning light from heaven is about to break upon us, to give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, and to guide us to the path of peace.

-Luke 1:78-79

“So, how is your prayer time in the morning? Are you still distracted?” A friend asked me yesterday.

Distracted. unfocused, guilty because I’m distracted… and on and on. I am still going through the motions – praying and reading the Bible each morning because it is part of my daily routine, not running with longing to His feet.

This morning I got up early, made my coffee, sat in my prayer chair with my Bible open, and squeezed my eyes shut in concentration.

“Jesus… Jesus… Oooh! I really love you. Help me right now to, um, spend this time with you.” I felt like a new Christian, stumbling over my words, forgetting the ease I used to have in His Presence.

I sat there a few more minutes, feeling increasingly discouraged that this morning was going to look like all other mornings with God recently – unfocused and short.

Suddenly I heard the Holy Spirit speak clearly to me. “This isn’t working.”

“Uh, what?” I responded, stopping my prayers to listen to the Holy Spirit.

He showed me that this “trying to pray” stuff was completely ineffective. I wasn’t really entering His Presence; I just felt bad. The Lord reminded me of the ways that I feel close to Him in prayer – by doing things that saturate me spiritually and therefore opening myself up to Him.

Instead of sitting in my prayer chair muttering the name of Jesus, I needed to start doing simple things like reading my different devotional books, writing out a Psalm, or singing worship music while reading the Bible. These aren’t “less spiritual” activities – for me, they open up my spirit to things of God.

l thanked the Holy Spirit for being so wonderful and then I grabbed a devotional book. I spent the next forty minutes looking up scriptures, writing out notes, and… well, being with Jesus.

Sometimes I make walking with my Lord too complicated. He just wants me to focus on Him and He’ll honor the time, speak to me, and fill me with Himself. I just need to relax, sit back with my coffee and whisper, “show me today, God, how to be with You.”

Jesus, I really love you. Thank you for talking to me today. Thank you for speaking to me through simple tools. l am really grateful. In the name of Jesus, Amen.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. Kim permalink
    July 25, 2008 9:21 am

    Hi Jess,

    I totally am going thru this right now too. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone. Also I will pray for your brother.

    One of your many fan club members, Kim:)

  2. sumijoti permalink
    July 25, 2008 12:58 pm

    I have felt like this too, Jess.

    I have been mulling over the words in Hebrews laltely where Paul says that those who come to God must know that he is, and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him.

    When I struggle to admit God into my prayer time it is usually because I have lost sight of who he is and allowed my own shortcomings to obscure my view. I tend to forget that God wants to have a heart-to-heart with me ten times more than I want it myself. He is always just outside the door of my heart, entreating me to open to him and let him come and sup with me. God is ready and waiting for me to turn my failures over to him so that he can toss them into the depths of the sea. He wants to do that just so that we can have sweet fellowship together.

    Sometimes we need to ‘see’ his heart towards us before we can come to him, and that is where a devotional or a song of praise is much more helpful than a feeble prayer that focusses on how much we have fallen short.

    OK, rambling here…but as always I loved your post and it has been very relevant to what I myself am going through.

    Bless you,

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