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9-5: First (Exhausted) Thoughts

August 1, 2008

“This morning I called my firstborn and could tell she was having a rough Monday morning. Like many of us working girls, she was trying to get her home in order after a busy weekend and still make it to her desk on time. There’s nothing like trying to be Domestic Goddess and Employee of the Week at the same time, is there, sister?”

-Beth Moore, working girl

It is Friday afternoon. I have finished my first week back at work and I have not died. I am exhausted and don’t really remember my name – but at this point, “still living” feels like a major accomplishment..

Working again full time is already more difficult than I thought it would be.

Here is what I did not do this week:

1. Make dinner (Hugh pointed out this is nothing new, but I had some grand hopes).

2. Shave my legs.

3. Sleep for a full night.

4. Talk to my best friend 2-5 times daily on the phone. Amanda and I have talked like, twice, the whole week.

5. Answer any emails. Sorry.

6. Spend time cleaning my house. I’m just sort of shoving things in bags.

Here is what I DID do this week:

1. I still made time to pray and read the Bible each morning. (This was a HUGE fear of mine – that I couldn’t make that work. But it can be done! I just have to keep on keepin’ on.)

2. I spent some meaningful time with my children most days. (Not Monday. I cried and watched “Oprah” Monday. But whatever.)

3. I carried on conversations with adults during the day (besides Amanda). I said big words and talked intelligently to other teachers and… it was really nice.

4. Yesterday I heard clearly from God about my job. Hallelujah! Reassurance and clarity and wisdom poured out all over me from Heaven as I sat numbly in my prayer chair. All I had to do was ask!

I feel so many different emotions about working again. It’s so complex for me. I know I can’t even begin to figure out how I am doing – REALLY doing – until I sleep. Or, at the very least, until I shave my legs.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 1, 2008 7:21 pm

    Ok, I am totally digging the hand-drawn pictures you’ve been including. I’m thinking my next laptop may have to be one of those notepad ones.

    I completely understand the exhaustion of diving into the deep end of a full-time job, especially teaching! After being home these past 4 years, I can’t even imagine getting back into the workforce, so I salute you!

  2. August 1, 2008 7:58 pm

    Woohoo! You did it! 🙂

  3. August 1, 2008 10:53 pm

    So shaving your legs improves brain function? That must be what my problem is, then! 🙂 I will be shaving mine much more regularly now!

    I am glad your week went so well!

  4. August 1, 2008 11:23 pm

    yahooo! You’re going great! keep it up!!!

  5. taylor k. permalink
    August 4, 2008 11:41 am

    i love your little cartoon at the end, it makes me feel better about not shaving my own legs either over the past few days. LOL

    when i first – and only as of now – child, samuel, i told everyone who would listen that i did not want to ever return to work, i loved being home with him and although we needed extra money my husband could just work more more and more. Eventually when Sammy was 5 months old i was offered a 5 week long assignment as a temp for a great company. It was right before christmas and i just jumped at the oppertunity to make a little extra cash. my first day wasn’t as hard as i thought it would be (the night before i had completed melted down and almost decided not to set my alarm for the next day) and being around adults was AWESOME. i still told everyone that i only wanted to be there for 5 weeks, but after 5 weeks i was offered a permanent position. After thinking about it, and praying ALOT about it i took the job. I miss sam alllllllllll the time, and i miss the way life was when i could do whatever i wanted during the day and when i had time to cook and clean (because now i don’t!) but i also love being around adults and i know sam loves his nanny and the other children she watches. I met her at church, and its great to know that we share the same beliefs and we want to raise our children the same way.

    anyways i think i said all of that to let you know that YOU CAN do it, and that it is nice to be around other adults too. (not to mention you are teaching children, and that is one of the greatest things you can do for someone. so you should also feel great about what you are doing!)

    anywho… good luck! and keep your head up!

  6. August 5, 2008 1:08 pm

    Oh, shucks.

    I was dropping by during my limited computer access time here in Amman to wish you good luck as you get ready for your return to work. But I missed it. Darn.

    It sounds like all the important things are getting done and what’s not will get done eventually. Don’t sweat it!

    Can’t wait till I’m back home and can read daily and keep up with what you are doing. Love ya!

  7. Joy F. permalink
    August 11, 2008 5:20 pm

    Hee heee. I finally shaved my legs on vacation this week. Thought it was just me. I am SO proud of you for having a daily quiet time. Way to Go! I have serious mom-guilt and wife-guilt about the whole dinner thing (I still have that 50s family in my head that all sits down together and shares about their day and the children always ask to be excused from the table and they always remember to wash their hands, etc…). A few thoughts:
    a) Give yourself permission to miss whole weeks of “making dinner” when it is the start of school, etc. Husband will understand.
    b) Buy paper plates. Seriously. Cutting back on dishes is part of the solution!
    c) Celebrate the times you CAN make dinner. Yeah! Pat yourself on back. Don’t need to do this again for a whole week.
    d) Make something on Fridays (day “off”) that can be eaten as leftovers for several days
    e) Frozen pizza, frozen fish sticks, and hot dogs DO count as cooking. 🙂
    f) Plan a cereal night or breakfast for dinner night at least once a week.

    You are doing great!!! 🙂

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