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Plates

September 11, 2008

“I will exalt you, Lord, for you rescued me.  You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.”

Psalm 30

I have ten minutes to write this morning.  Ten minutes before I race madly to my Honda Odyssey; hair still wet, new Easy Spirit shoes in one hand, Starbucks coffee in the other.

I leave my house each morning with my children and their three backpacks (already stuffed with old school papers and forgotten art projects).  They will stumble to their seats.  We don’t talk on the way to school.

When I drive away, I leave behind a hundred things undone.  Things I had time to do when I was home full-time.  But now these things have slipped off my “to-do” list into some sort of bottomless pit – leaving me feeling completely panicked.

I am not sure when I will email my few friends back, sit down with Hugh and figure out (once and for all) how we can really connect at this new church, or do all the laundry.  I have shaved my legs twice since I’ve started teaching again and Amanda has not yet waxed my lip.

I am a bearded, friendless, dirty-clothed, caffeinated woman.

Sigh.

And yet.

There is a way that I am learning about God that I never have before – ever. Ever, ever, ever.  I am in this place where I have absolutely no time to figure out anything in my life.  So I have no choice but to give Him everything each morning, saying, “Lord, I trust you to figure this out for me. I can’t. I really can’t.”

I am not trying to be in control anymore – and daily I am learning that God is really the One taking care of me.  I am having to trust Him to work things out for me that I have always been able to handle before. Now I desperately need my Lord to do it for me.

To give me new friends at church…to have Amanda arrive just a little early to Bible study to wax my lip…to unexpectedly have friends offer a date night for Hugh and I so we can have some time alone…And on and on and on. God is doing these kinds of things for me every single day.

It’s not what I would have chosen.  I’ve always thought that I needed to take stuff off my plate and finally get it together. But He wanted to break that fear of losing control – and to do it, He had to fill my plate to overflowing  – so I would have no choice but to give every single thing to Him.

It is the scariest and most amazing time with God I have had in a very long time.  My dependence on Him is growing each day as I see Him all over my life – in places I have never seen Him before.

Everywhere I look, I find Him faithful.

Hallelujah, Lord of Heaven and Earth! Nothing is too difficult for you.  You know every part of my life – all I have to do is remain hidden in Christ and trust that you, my precious God, will take care of me.  Help me to trust you.  I love you. Amen.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. September 12, 2008 12:17 pm

    Well, apparently I must love reading the blogs of bearded, friendless, dirty-clothed, caffeinated women, cause I just had to come by here today. 🙂

    It is so hard coming to the end of ourselves, and yet so sweet and amazing and wonderful to find out just how faithful He truly is!

    I am sorry that things are so overwhelming, Jess, but I am so thankful that you know Who to turn to!

    Oh, and if it makes you feel better, I have no job outside of the home and yet I may soon be mistakenly shot at because of my bear-like hairy legs!!!! Is it hunting season? Maybe I better go shave.

    Love ya’,
    K

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