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Feeble Saints

September 17, 2008

“The one concern of the devil is to keep Christians from praying…The prayer of the feeblest saint on earth who keeps right with God paralyzes the darkness – that’s why he tries to keep our minds fuzzy in active work until we cannot think in prayer.”

Oswald Chambers

Any suggestions for a three-year old who comes in my room every morning at 4:45am with a pile of blankets in her arms and crawls into my bed, singing “Hey, Diddle Diddle”?

Oh, I am tired.

There are times in my life with Jesus that I have difficulty entering His Presence in prayer because I am brokenhearted. Grief about my childhood has surfaced, and I have to battle the depression that crouches at the door of my heart, waiting for a moment of weakness. Other times I struggle to pray simply because I am not making time to pray. I fill my life with my self-important tasks, leaving no time to sit at the dusty feet of my Savior.

These days my biggest obstacle in prayer is my deep, deep tiredness. I don’t know if I have ever been this tired – balancing work and family and the hundred other things that make up my life. I am fulfilled and yet completely exhausted every night when I close my eyes, clutching my big goosedown pillow.

It seems like there is always a battle in my prayer life. Some current obstacle for me to press through until I come, gloriously, into the Presence of my God. I am learning that in the “pressing through” I find the supernatural strength that comes only from God.

I press through the grief and He fills me with joy.

I press through the busyness and He fills me with peace.

I press through the tiredness and He fills me with His strength.

I used to think that I would know God more when I had big mountaintop moments with Him – and yet, something deeper is happening in my heart each morning when I wake up tired, make my coffee, head for my prayer chair and Bible, and try to pray again.

I am learning that He meets me in the feeble effort I offer, and I am learning to trust Him even more with the small offerings I bring Him daily. He takes it, multiplies it with His Presence, and fills my life and heart with the rivers of His living water.

Hosanna!

Father, I love you. You take my life and fill it when I feel tired…or weak…or overwhelmed. You are so good to me. Everywhere I look in my life, I can see your Presence – How I adore You! In the name of your Son, Amen.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. September 17, 2008 9:28 pm

    I posted about my life bumping head-long into the cross right at the coffee pot just this morning. Take heart Jess- I too have battled depression over childhood hurts and sin in my own life. There is victory amidst the heartache! I promise to pray that you’ll feel his presence in new and powerful ways!

  2. September 17, 2008 9:29 pm

    oh, and about the three year old, the blankets and the singing … you never know when it will be the last time they even want to come in and snuggle, bring their blanket and sing to you … so rest in the presence of it.
    mine turned 13 this week.

  3. September 17, 2008 10:16 pm

    Jess,
    I too have found this struggle. It is not an easy one but one that He truly understands. Know that in those moments He is still there. Recently I too have had such heartache come up from childhood pain once again. It takes such time and energy from us but it is good to know His loving arms are there to hold us even when we have those moments when we don’t know the words to speak. Press into Him no matter how hard it becomes. The more you do this, the closer you will become and the more strength He will give you on those days that are so hard and exhausting. I had one of those weeks this week and at 4:45am when i was just able to fall asleep finally I was so happy He was there to hold my head in His hands and tell me I would be okay the next day when I had others counting on me. Don’t forget to take little moments just for you. Breathe deeply and long. and love on others as much as possible at the moments you feel so so alone in what you feel. I will make sure to pray each night for you this week.

  4. September 18, 2008 3:52 pm

    Jess…
    Know that even in these tired moments you are ministering to others.
    I appreciate your honesty and openess so much. As a young mama I feel like I am in a “tiring” season of life where I don’t always get the quiet times I want…but I know this too shall pass and soon it will be the next season. Thank you for continuing to let God pour out of you even in your tired times. You are such a blessing…and the quote today did my heart so good. Love ya!

  5. September 18, 2008 11:21 pm

    I’ve been out of the blogosphere for waaaay to long. Loooove your new look- and all the words you have poured out here. I feel refreshed and encouraged every time I visit!

  6. November 12, 2008 8:50 am

    What’s that scripture in Isaiah? The one about Him gently leading those with young? Those early mornings won’t last forever (thank God for that!), but the love and trust you build in your little ones now by welcoming them joyfully (even when you’d rather be sound asleep in a reasonable amount of bed space) will last their whole lives and eventually shine as gems in your heavenly crown. You’re doing an amazing job, even when you’re tired.

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