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Little Christs All Around

October 12, 2008

“It is easy to think that the Church has a lot of different objects – education, building, missions, holding services…But in a way things are much simpler than that…the Church exists for nothing else but to draw men into Christ, to make them Little Christs.”

-C.S. Lewis

Hugh told me this weekend that it was time to plug in at our new church. “I’ve prayed, Jess,” he said seriously as we sat on the couch. I held coffee and sipped grumpily as I listened. “This is where I know God wants our family. I know you feel like you don’t fit in, but I want us to stay.”

Later that night I cried with Amanda at Barnes and Noble, tucked away in the Self-Help section where no one would interrupt us. “If you push Hugh, you’ll get your way,” she said while I sniffed noisily while staring at Dr Phil’s latest offering. “He is the spiritual head of your household, regardless of what you think.”

“I just…I just wish we both agreed and felt peaceful. I don’t feel peaceful.”

“That’s actually just tough.” Amanda said through raised eyebrows, “This isn’t about your feelings.”

Sometimes it is really frustrating to be surrounded by all these Godly people, especially when I want to be in a bad mood and possibly buy some self-help books.

This morning at church I sat behind one of the woman on staff. After the service, I approached her.

“Hi. My name is Jessica and I read your blog.” Might as well put myself out there, I thought. I really have nothing to lose other than another lonely week at a church where I am not connected.

“Hi, Jessica,” she said warmly, looking me in the eyes. Hm.

“So, do you disciple any women right now? I, uh, really loved what you said a few weeks ago about chewing on the Word and I could obviously really learn a lot from you.” Why am I saying this? I wondered. I am being really bold.

She continued to look intently at me and we talked for a minute. “Let’s make it happen. Email me and we’ll do coffee – and let’s pray and ask God to give us a framework for this. Can I pray for you?” Her eyes closed, she touched me and thanked God for our time and the ways she can help me grow in Christ.

Then I left for my van, very surprised at myself. And, really, proud of me, too. I still have it in me to do hard and scary things. Maybe I’ll fit in at my new church after all. And MAYBE I’ll even become more like Jesus.

That would be wonderful and surprising indeed.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. October 12, 2008 8:19 pm

    hi jess!!
    i love reading your blog. i miss seeing you worship on sunday mornings, and i’m glad you update your blog so much.
    🙂

  2. Becky permalink
    October 12, 2008 8:59 pm

    Yeah Jess! Man, you have had a big weekend! In church today we talked about conflict and one of the steps was letting go and letting God move in peoples lives…kinda like what we talked about last Thursday…and I love watching you loosen your grip on control and letting God move you right where he wants you 🙂 Love you! Becky

  3. October 13, 2008 12:01 am

    What a blessing your friend is. Yep, it can be annoying, but in the end, godly counsel is what we need. It’s great to have a friend who will tell us the hard stuff.

    Good for you for being so bold! I’m really proud of you. I’m praying for you – I’ve been through this and it’s no picnic. May God bless you and this woman’s time together.

  4. Amanda McEwen permalink
    October 13, 2008 7:43 am

    WOO HOO!!! I am SO SO proud of you!! (and shocked 🙂
    You had 2 choices..to stay in your discontent and continue to push against Hugh..or be proactive and make the best of it. You chose the harder of the 2.

    “Maybe I’ll fit in at my new church after all. And MAYBE I’ll even become more like Jesus.”

    That is a different Jess from Sta. night 🙂
    Love you
    Mander

  5. October 13, 2008 8:48 am

    Jess,
    I so needed to read this blog today!!!! I needed this encouragement to be bold! I am so proud of you and only hope I can do the same. I know it can get annoying when that friend tells you something you don’t want to hear but you know deep inside is right what you need to hear. God has given me a very special person in my life like that recently and it has changed my life drastically. I was so not use to hearing the truth come from someone and so use to people telling me what they thought I wanted to hear because they thought I was too fragile to take the truth that it felt weird but I know this person really cares because she tells me the truth. That is how I know God sent her. Only He could love me that much! Again I am SO PROUD of you and am continuing to pray for your growth in this new church.

  6. Joy F. permalink
    October 13, 2008 4:42 pm

    I’m still stopped by the phrase “woman on staff.” There’s actually a woman on staff at your church? Wow. That’s really cool. Maybe I do need to visit…seriously, though, it is good to see God giving you what you need. I can’t wait to see what He will do to honor your obedience, even when it is hard. Thanks for posting this.

  7. Lyn permalink
    October 14, 2008 4:44 am

    Isn’t it amazing the way God moves and works in our lives? Just when you think you can’t cope, you can’t do it, that no one is listening to you, God shows He has been there all along and is watching over you. You are such an example and I love your blog, it is so refreshing and honest. Thank you:)

  8. Lynn permalink
    October 14, 2008 4:45 am

    And I can’t believe I mispelt my own name in that post! If only there was an automatic spellchecker that could read my mind, I would never make any typos!

  9. Lynn permalink
    October 14, 2008 4:50 am

    You probably think I’m crazy now, since my first post has disappeared into the ether but the second post is still there…. one day I will get the hang of posting comments, I know I will, I think….!

    What I was trying to say originally (assuming the first post has still disappeared) is that I love your blog as you are such an example. Your blog is so honest and refreshing. I also love the way your life shows how God is moving and working in you. Just when we think we are all alone, that no one is listening, that we can’t cope, can’t do it, God steps in and shows He has been there right beside us all the time, watching over us every step of the way. Awesome blog, thank you:)

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