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If I Can’t Blog Anymore Then…

November 18, 2008

Answer this question: Does the God who lavishly provides you with his own presence, his Holy Spirit, working things in your lives you could never do for yourselves, does he do these things because of your strenuous moral striving or because you trust him to do them in you? Don’t these things happen among you just as they happened with Abraham? He believed God, and that act of belief was turned into a life that was right with God.

-Galatians 3, The Message

This morning I went to the gym. Once I went through the front doors without puking or having a panic attack, I enjoyed myself. Just a little.

Going to the gym meant that I had no time to write on my blog this morning; one of my most favorite things to do. I love to hold my hot coffee, finish praying, and then start writing about the things God has showed me that day or the ways He has given me His freedom.

God has used writing to help heal me as I have told my story these last eighteen months on my blog. As someone commented once, “every time you tell your story, you heal a little bit more.” For me that is true, and writing helped propel me into wholeness.

Now I am scared. I barely fit in my blog right now but I am desperate to hold onto it. It is the one thing I have in my life that is one hundred percent mine. My words, my thoughts, my memories, my worship, my books…It’s a place for me to be real without fear.

But teaching and parenting and the seven million other things that I do right now threaten to push my blog out of my schedule. I am afraid that adding exercise to my mornings will be the final straw – and I will stop blogging.

I prayed about it this morning as I shut my computer. “God, I am not going to write today. I have to go exercise, Lord. I know that. But I am going to trust that you will show me the time to write…because I can’t fit it in right now, God. Amen.”

I know I have to trust Him fully with my writing. Like every gift He gives, I have to be willing to lay it down and say, “Here, Jesus. Take it back. I trust you.”

Each day He is calling me to live more and more surrendered to Him. I am becoming more aware of how little I have actually given to my Lord. Yes, I have given Him some huge things in my life. But do I trust Him with the small things? Do I trust Him to give me thirty quiet minutes to blog in the afternoon today? Do I trust Him to take care of all the details of my life – the things I cannot begin to handle?

I either trust Him to be my Lord or I don’t trust Him at all.

I want to start knowing I can trust Him all the way, in everything.

I’m starting now.

God, thank you that you take complete care of me. I want to trust you more than I do, Jesus. You are so worthy of total trust. Forgive my unbelief, God. I love you, Amen.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 18, 2008 4:56 pm

    This is so true. He will honor this Jess. Just keep laying it down.

  2. November 18, 2008 5:31 pm

    And you still got your blogging in! Congrats on working out! I hope that your working out, works out! *smile*

  3. November 19, 2008 1:29 am

    Well my first instinct is to scream, “NOOOOOOOOOO!”

    But I realize that isn’t what you need to hear. What you do need to hear is that God will honor your desires as they fall more and more in line with His. I think it’s great that you are hitting the gym and working on improving your physical health. It’s also great that your blog has been used of God to heal you and to bless many others. God knows ALL of this and He will show you what to do. Allow Him to guide you.

    It’s hard to give up to God all the things that are meaningful to us. Do you know the song “Surrender” by BarlowGirl? Amazing. It’s all about surrendering our dreams to God. It makes me know that in the end it’s all about glorifying Him and letting Him work out the details.

    Even if you stop posting, I hope you and I keep connected. You are an amazing woman and I’ve come to look up to you.

  4. Smilla permalink
    November 19, 2008 2:13 pm

    Dear Jess,

    have trust in yourself. You will do whatever you need to do most and what is most important to you. You’ll do fine.

    Good luck,

  5. November 19, 2008 3:12 pm

    Thanks for this. I need to hear a bit about the God who give and takes these days. And remember to trust him anyway.

    Good on you for making it to the gym. I just started again last week. But I’m still craving my own cherry turnovers!

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