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December 21, 2008

This morning I woke up determined to spend time with God.   The last few weeks have been overflowing with more stress than I care to recount – and the result has been little time at the feet of Jesus.

Quietly I made my coffee, trying to ignore the three sleepy children who were slowly emerging from their bedrooms.   “Mommy, are you going to go pray?” my three-year old asked, yawning.   I nodded and headed upstairs, telling them to make frozen waffles for breakfast.

Slipping into Hugh’s office, I closed the door with a sigh of relief. I had made it. I locked the door and sat down in Hugh’s recliner, opening my Bible.

“God, I am here. I miss you. I’ve been so stressed out with my life. I haven’t been making time to be with You… and I’m sorry.” More words started to pour out of my mouth and heart as I sat alone with my Father.

I told the Lord everything I was feeling. I confessed my anger at Him for my stress. I repented for my independence.

He spoke as I rambled, bringing His truth and clarity: “You’re stressed out because you’re not spending time with me, Jess. you have been believing the lie that _________ is more important than spending time with Me.”

I used to start every morning looking straight ahead at Jesus. I’d ask myself, “When can I be alone with God today?” and then I’d rearrange my life to make it happen. Lately, I have started each day by launching into caring for my kids, taking care of the dog, frantically doing things for school, and a million other urgent tasks that scream at me every second.

I have been believing the lie.  I must run around. I must complete my list. I must take care of my children’s needs. These things are controlling me.

I have one thing to do. One thing. I must seek Him. I must rest with my Jesus, sitting quietly in His Presence while He slashes my frantic “to-do” list in half and fills me with Himself.

Isaiah 60 declares, ”Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the LORD rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth and thick darkness is over the peoples, but the LORD rises upon you and his glory appears over you.”

I will get up each morning and choose His light instead of urgency.

I will wake up and lay down my lists and frantic expectations.

I will trade my independence and ineffective self-sufficiency for His glory.

I will arise.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. Lynn permalink
    December 21, 2008 10:40 am

    have to say your post today really struck a chord with me.
    The tax return filing deadline of 31 January is looking here in the UK. I am a self employed accountant working from home to support my family (hubbie and three children now the eldest has left home) and I currently have 51 tax returns and 21 sets of accounts to prepare (not including the 25 clients who haven’t given me any books and records yet….).
    I am finding I am getting up extra early, coming straight into my office and starting work and completely missing out the hour or so I used to spend reading my bible, having a quiet time.
    I miss that time like crazy, but every time I think about spending time with God, I start to worry about the work to be done, the length of the to do list,the huge numbers of jobs to do and the limited time I have between now and 31 January. And God gets pushed to the bottom of my list….again.
    How can some people manage to juggle all those balls, keeping them all in the air, whilst I have so much trouble with the ones I am holding? I’m still praying for 25 hours in a day, and 8 days in a week, but I reckon God’s answer to that is for me to become more organised, not for Him to provide the extra hours!

  2. Michelle permalink
    December 21, 2008 4:40 pm


    You don’t know me but we seem to be on the same page. I identify with you so much. I love what you’ve written today. I am seeking for more of God in my life. I desire a deeper relationship with Jesus. I want to know his voice and hear him when he speaks to me, but I need to spend more time with him in order to do that.

    Thanks for encouraging me!

    Merry Christmas!

  3. December 21, 2008 5:58 pm

    “I repented for my independence.”

    I was repenting of the same thing tonight as I drove alone to pick up pizza for dinner. It is a daily struggle for me, not to try to do it all on my own. He has been showing me a lot recently how fiercely independent I am. Fiercely. And it is either depend on Him or continue to flounder.

    Love to you as you rely fully on Him,

  4. December 22, 2008 12:32 am

    Jess, less than 5 minutes ago I was asking the Lord for forgiveness for neglecting our time together in the mornings. (During bedtime prayers with Jake!) I emerge from the kids room, sit down here, and voila– your post, once again, reaffirms something going on in my life. I love that simple and powerful statement, I will arise.

    P.S. Had to stifle a twinge of jealousy at the thought of kids making their own breakfast & being able to lock oneself in a room! haha My time will come. lol

  5. December 22, 2008 4:26 pm

    Love this post.

    Something I’m trying to learn…is that if I miss a day ( or 37) with Jesus, not to beat myself up later, just make sure I get back at it instead of being embarrassed.

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