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…Watching Over Me…

January 19, 2009

“I lay down and slept,
yet I woke up in safety,
for the Lord was watching over me.”

-Psalm 3:5

This morning I stumbled around my kitchen trying to find a coffee cup. I am so tired on Monday mornings. Instead of starting the week full of rested energy, ready to take on every middle-school English and History task set before me…I just want to take a nap.

The biggest battle I face as a working mother is exhaustion. Hands down. I fight tiredness the way my husband fights occasional boredom or office politics (his job stressors). Most afternoons I come home from school mentally and physically wiped out, with barely enough energy to sit in our purple recliner and turn on the Food Network.

Yesterday I spent the afternoon preparing for my week at school. We have a full, full, full week of learning ahead of us – mostly because I took time off last week to take care of vomiting family members. It’s time to catch up, Students! To learn about the Constitution! A Wrinkle in Time! Participles!

Yawn. (There went my energy. Right there. In that little sentence. Now I need to go back to bed.)

When I struggled a few weeks ago with the decision to return to school next year, my tiredness was the biggest factor. How can I find more time for God, my family, and my students…and sleep? Some days there isn’t enough Jess to go around.

I asked God what I should do. Did He want me to return to school? He asked me if I want to continue to be stretched. Do I want to grow and learn from having more to do than I have time for…and find His grace and power in the middle of it?

I am tired. A lot. I have more to do than I will ever get done. But in my exhaustion and too-long “to-do” list, I am learning the lesson of weakness in a way I never have before. I really need Jesus to come and infuse every step of my life. To fill me with His energy to hug and kiss my children instead of turning on the television, to supernaturally provide a great lesson plan on the Inauguration, or to simply give me the gift of an occasional nap.

That is why I am returning to teaching, even if I spend another year bleary-eyed. I want to be stretched in my faith and trust in Jesus – more than I want to be content and rested and more than I want to have time for everything.

I’ll remember that the next time I yawn…which should be any moment now…

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. January 19, 2009 12:19 pm

    As a mom and a teacher, I hear ya! Last year was my first year back as a teacher (and I’m still a new one at that) and I wish I had had more of your perspective: taking the time to infuse every step with my need for Jesus, even if it meant struggling to find time when I’d much rather sleep, instead of simply struggling!

  2. January 20, 2009 2:58 pm

    As always, thanks for being real. My little one is seven months’ old this week and after nine months of sleeplessness and seven months of co-sleeping and midnight feedings, I’m craving every nap she desires to take. My husband and I are talking about baby number two and I can already feel the morning sickness well up inside of me. I know I can do it, I just have to be ready to be stretched, to learn more about grace and patience… all while being a student, staying in ministry, homeschooling and loving my husband.

    It’s amazing how time after time, God always come through on these requests. It’s not always how we ask for them, but he does teach us how to be stretched, how to love, when to exhibit patience and grace and how not to forget to need him.

    We’re all in this together: thanks for leading the way…

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