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To-Do List

February 28, 2009

1. Write poem for funeral. I am seriously surprised that Hugh’s mom asked me to talk about Dad’s writing. I need to get alone for this…I must write the thing that honors him. I want this so badly I can physically feel the ache of the wanting to write it…

2. Pick up Amanda at 4:30 from the Indianapolis airport. Praise God. I cannot go one more hour without her. My kids need her. I need her. I need her so I can help Hugh.

3. Put on a bra. This is so embarrassing. I am still in my pjs and people keep stopping by the house. I just can’t figure out when to shower and get dressed. My mother-in-law hasn’t washed her hair since Dad died. I am exhausted from the recent minutes spent convincing her to wash her hair and get ready.

4. Feed my children. My friend Brandi sent me a list that has been a lifeline to me right now. She laid out really specific things for me to do – one of which is keep meal times and bed times as consistent as possible for my kids.

5. Stop thinking about school. I am doing okay with this – but every once in a while I have a panicky thought of “Oh my gosh – what about my class?”… I have to stop thinking about school – to trust that the people at school love me and know I am where I need to be…doing what I need to be doing.

6. Sit for a second. My friend Amy commented sometime recently that “weariness sets in, no time to be tired, none.” It resonated completely.

No time to be tired. None.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. becky permalink
    February 28, 2009 1:23 pm

    hey friend! Just wanted to remind you that I love you and your family. If I can do anything at your house or for school or anything like that, please let me know! Thankful Amanda was able to come and be with you! Being a fellow teacher just want to remind you school will go on and your kiddos will be great! No worries! Feel the freedom to be where you are now! Love you!

  2. February 28, 2009 2:34 pm

    sooooo glad Amanda’s coming. I have one named Judi. I just know God will use her to remind you He’s there too.

    Praying for your poem.

  3. February 28, 2009 2:35 pm

    ooops, that should have said “i have a friend like that named Judi who would come too.”

    just thinking of seeing her come off the plane makes me want to cry happy tears.

  4. February 28, 2009 4:38 pm

    Oh Jess. Praying that you will be able to pur out your heart in that poem and find the right words…

    Perhaps your MIL doesn’t want to wash her hair because the last time she did she had her hubby with her? She might feel like she is washing away a part of him in some way.

    In the beginning, I compulsively kept up a mental count of how many times I had washed my hair since Jenna passed away. All those firsts were so hard to do. I really didn’t want life to carry on without Jenna in it.

    I am praying for you all…God is faithful and he WILL carry you through…

  5. chelemybelle permalink
    February 28, 2009 6:51 pm

    Jess,
    Having walked in your shoes before, I know what is going on in your head and world right now.
    When you guys get back please know that we would be happy to talk with you if you ever need anything. Especially for Hugh, Jonathan would be happy to listen and talk as a man who lost his Dad in the same manner.
    We are grieving with you and your family.
    God Bless,
    Michele and Jonathan Miller

  6. March 1, 2009 12:57 am

    I’m so praying for you!!! And I’m so proud and thankful to God for you reaching out to you brother in law. That’s God, girl! May God give you the strength you need, the wisdom to set your priorities, and the comfort only He can give. You will get through this – it will hurt for a long time, but you will. And He will be there all the way.

  7. stephanie renner permalink
    March 1, 2009 9:16 am

    Praying for you and Hugh and the family. So sorry Jess!!!

  8. March 1, 2009 12:52 pm

    Hey– I couldn’t help but think as I read back through your posts of the last few days that your blog title is especially fitting right now. Even as you are mourning, I see you finding little bits of hope tucked in the corners. I know it’s not exactly dancing, but it will have to do.

  9. March 2, 2009 12:07 am

    Jess…
    Love you and praying for you all.
    May God’s Mighty Arms holding you close be the only thing you feel right here, right now. *HUG* Laura

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