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Thoughts From My Somewhat Normal Morning

March 6, 2009


Today was the first slightly normal day I have had since last Tuesday. I did the following:

1. Got up early.
2. Read the Bible (I sort of drifted in and out while I read, but…you know…I showed up with Jesus).
3. Did a puzzle with Lucy.
4. Talked with Amanda for an hour on the phone – and some of the time we talked about her life, not mine!

The other thing I have noticed is that I haven’t cried yet today (it’s 11 o’clock in the morning as I write). Hm.

My thoughts are turning more and more to school. I need to return to the classroom and I am not sure I am ready. How do I know I can get up in front of my students without falling apart? My days as a working mother have always made me tired – how will I make it through with the grief, too?

Jon-David and Hannajean are desperate to go back to school. Hannajean got up this morning and put on her uniform. When I told her she wasn’t going back until Monday, she burst into tears and stopped tying her little blue sneakers.

I am cautious, though.

How long is too long before I go back to school? Will people think I’m flaky if I wait until Wednesday before returning? Do I care if they do? What if I don’t do well once I’m back at school – like cry in front of my students or have a hard time remembering details?


I hate that I am pressuring myself with this – I have only had a few hours of normalcy and already I am pushing myself.

What do you think? Should I:

1. Go back to school on Monday and risk emotional collapse
2. Go back to school on Wednesday and risk seeming like a flaky teacher
3. Quit my job and begin watching “Jon and Kate Plus 8” all day
4. Make no decisions other than what to order from Mama Wok for dinner

Thanks in advance for your advice.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. March 6, 2009 12:33 pm

    Definitely number 4… one moment at a time. 🙂

  2. Amanda McEwen permalink
    March 6, 2009 12:38 pm

    No MAMA WOK!! They use MSG and that will trigger your migranes. (Dont you love that I know you so well?) Pick a different place to eat and invite me over for a Jon and Kate marathon. Oh. And remember your list…if 2 and 3 need your full focus then 6 will have to wait. Love you

  3. Brenda permalink
    March 6, 2009 2:26 pm

    I vote for #2 – go back to work on Wednesday, but send the kids to school on Monday as planned.
    Spend some time With Jon and Kate plus 8 on Monday and Tuesday . . . get it out of your system . . but also spend some time with the men in your life – Jesus and Hugh.
    And if you get a chance, call your friend Brenda while you are at it . . . we dont have to talk about grief if you dont want to . . We can talk about the Duggars and Jon and Kate if you want to . . or just make fun of West Bend for a while – whatever makes you feel better.

  4. March 6, 2009 3:08 pm

    I vote for #4. No not really, although it
    does have its appeal.

    Pray, if and when you go back God will
    give you the strength to get through
    each moment and each day.

  5. March 6, 2009 3:39 pm

    for selfish reasons i say #4….then we could do it together and maybe just maybe have a chance to get to starbucks for our long awaited coffee date!!!

    seriously, take it slow and one day at a time and return to life as you knew it slowly, who knows what God may teach you during that time. you have been through a big big ordeal. loss is not easy! take it slow and know i am praying for you and the family!!

  6. March 6, 2009 3:41 pm

    oooppppsss,in my previous comment i meant #3…to watch jon and kate all day not #4, that wouldn’t be selfish of me!

  7. March 6, 2009 5:01 pm

    Send the kids to school on Monday- they need their normal routine. Wait until Wednesday to go back- no one will think you’re flaky for taking time to mourn the father-in-law that you love. If they do think you’re flaky, who cares? Jesus doesn’t think you’re a flake for it, I’ll bet Hugh doesn’t think so either. No one else gets a vote. And stay away from MSG. MSG leads to skull-drilling fantasies!

  8. March 6, 2009 5:09 pm

    #3 so we can go on field trips between J+K+8 episodes 🙂

    Don’t worry about what everyone thinks and do what is going to help *you* whether that means getting back into your routine or taking some time to de-stress.

    We’re still praying!

  9. becky permalink
    March 6, 2009 6:32 pm

    i think you should do what ever you feel is best. Not what you think others want you to do! You know you best! All pressure off! Love and miss you!

  10. Rainbow Brite permalink
    March 6, 2009 6:43 pm

    take it easy, minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day. there is no pressure to do anything. mourn, grief, comfort your husband and children. eat chocolate, take a long bubble bath.

  11. Joy permalink
    March 6, 2009 7:29 pm

    I’m with Becky – don’t worry about others perceptions of you- which are far better than you think anyway. When you do come back to teaching, don’t worry about breaking down. Older kids need to see adults dealing honestly with grief & loss, especially when they also get to glimpse the hope of heaven underneath. Love you lots!

  12. sumijoti permalink
    March 6, 2009 10:14 pm

    What Joy said. Totally. Your students will be very understanding…and it’s OK to be real in front of them.

    I’ll go for #4. Take it one moment at a time.

    I have found in my own experience that the anticipation of facing a difficult day is always far worse than the actual day itself. Somehow when the day arrives, the grace of God is there and I never quite fall apart like I thought I might. (Perhaps because I had already done my falling-apart in the preceding days, while anticipating…does that make sense?)

  13. Amy permalink
    March 7, 2009 8:03 am

    Whenever you come back to school, we will all be ready to prop you up and be your support. The kids are hurting for you and want to encourage you too.

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