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She Shakes ’09

April 3, 2009

she-speaks-button

Hugh just came downstairs from his office and told me that I was one of the three winners of the She Speaks Scholarship contest.

I can’t stop shaking and crying.

This week has been…really hard. Teaching was hard, grieving was hard, parenting was hard. There was not enough of me to go around. Again.

I wrote a few posts, but Hugh told told me that “these are hideously self-deprecating. You can’t post these, Babe.”

So my little blog has been quiet.

I wanted to win the She Speaks contest so badly I could literally taste it. It was something I was daily surrendering to God; trusting Him one minute, then picking up anxiety and insecurity again.

“What if I don’t win?”

“That means I am a bad writer.”

“Entering a contest is really embarrassing. I’m never doing this again.”

“I think I need a new passion – like…a passion for decorating. Oooo! Then my house will look cute!”

Finally, this morning, I went for a walk with Jesus. I told Him that I really, REALLY trusted Him no matter what happened with the contest results. I asked Him to forgive me for being insecure. I asked Him to forgive me for comparing myself to other women and their writing. I thanked Him for all the blessings of this hard week – I listed them off to Him as I walked along.

I felt my anxiety slink away and I began to feel His total peace.

When I came back home, I started lesson plans for my upcoming school week. We are going to learn about Lewis and Clark and I settled in happily with a big stack of books. I stopped obsessively checking Lysa’s blog for the results. I drank a vitamin water. I began to write out notes about Sacajawea.

Hugh found me a while later, surrounded by my books. He had just checked.

And I’m going to She Speaks this year.

Oh, wow.

(I think I should just end this post…maybe I shouldn’t write while shaking, you know? Hm…)

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

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20 Comments leave one →
  1. April 3, 2009 12:28 pm

    Dearest Jess,

    Thank you for this post that lets us peek on the inside of your world and feel God’s blessing.

    We are glad you are so happy. You most certainly are supposed to be at She Speaks this year. Without a doubt!!!

    Blessings,
    Lysa

  2. Rainbow Brite permalink
    April 3, 2009 1:03 pm

    WOO-HOO!!! that is awesome, jess!!! i am so proud of you. when and where is the conference? maybe a reunion tour is due?

  3. April 3, 2009 1:29 pm

    Congratulations! I can totally see why you were picked for this conference. Your blog is awesome and your heart shines through with such great love for Christ and a fun wit about you.

  4. April 3, 2009 2:15 pm

    Congratulations! I’m so excited for you!

  5. April 3, 2009 2:26 pm

    Yay!! Congratulations!

  6. April 3, 2009 2:49 pm

    Congrats on winning!! I know God is going to do something awesome with your time there!! Enjoy it.

  7. trendyand2kids permalink
    April 3, 2009 3:46 pm

    Jess, I went to a writer’s celebration yesterday at Mikhaya’s school. The 1st graders had to read the stories they had written into a microphone. Most of them used the descriptive phrase “so, so, so, so so” about the most exicting aspects of their little lives. I searched for words to describe how proud I am of you, and I am reduced to the writing level of a first grader. . . . I am SO SO SO SO SO SO SO proud of you, Jess!

  8. April 3, 2009 3:57 pm

    YAY!!!!! I’m SO excited for you!!!!! I followed those links (from your She Speaks post) to see if there was anywhere we could “vote” for you… but realized that wasn’t how it works. Anyways, I’m SO SO SO HAPPY for you!!!! Congratulations! xo
    -Meg

  9. April 3, 2009 4:32 pm

    Amazing!!! You will LOVE it!! I was so completely hoping you’d win and that “hoping” was totally the “knowing” kind of hope. You will meet some amazing women, learn more than you can process about the world of writing, and come away with energy and enthusiasm and a *desire* to write. But mostly, you’ll come away having built some great relationships.

  10. April 3, 2009 4:55 pm

    You know I was rooting for you! I feel sort of like a proud mama… and can see how God knew you weren’t supposed to be there last year… because He had bigger things in store for this one!

    Enjoy your celebration in whatever form it takes!! Congrats!!

  11. April 3, 2009 5:09 pm

    Hi Jess,
    I found your blog from Lysa’s. Congratulations on winning the She Speaks scholarship.

    I’ve really enjoyed poking around your blog. You have a real gift for writing honestly, humorously and engagingly.

    I’m so sorry about your father-in-law. Your posts have been treasures.

    Blessings,
    Kelli

  12. Alicia permalink
    April 4, 2009 6:54 am

    Congratulations!!! Well-deserved!!!!

  13. Diane permalink
    April 4, 2009 9:00 am

    Congratulations!! I love you, I love your blog, and even if you hadn’t won, you’d still be a winner to me and God!
    Diane

  14. April 4, 2009 1:06 pm

    That’s awesome! Congratulations!!

  15. April 4, 2009 8:34 pm

    Hi JEss! I was so excited to see you won. I went last year. It was awesome. I hope you have a blessed time. Don’t be nervous, everyone is SO NICE there! It is great.

    See ya – Kelly

  16. April 5, 2009 8:30 am

    couldn’t think of a better person to go… this year especially…. it’s as if God’s saying, “Go, Jess! run! do it!”

  17. April 5, 2009 4:20 pm

    I’m so happy you won this scholarship. As the director of the writer’s track at She Speaks, I welcome you and look forward to meeting you in person.

    In His Love,
    Glynnis Whitwer

  18. April 6, 2009 11:56 am

    I already told God (and you) how I felt about you going this year. So happy you won.
    love,
    me

  19. April 8, 2009 3:09 pm

    Yay!

  20. April 28, 2009 11:55 pm

    Congrats! I was the winner of last years scholarship. It was such a blessing.

    I won’t be able to make it this year, but I’ll be there next.

    Can’t wait to hear about it.

    Blessings,
    Karla
    (Fruition Designs)
    (Looking Towards Heaven)

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