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April 10, 2009


Our bags are packed.  Many of the bags are Lesportsac. Of course.

We leave in two hours.  Beth will be here soon – a list of activities and outings planned for the next seven days in her capable hands.  The children are mostly glad we are going, knowing that Spring Break will be fun because Miss Beth is taking care of them.

We debated and debated about this trip. Should we cancel our anniversary trip since David died?  Maybe it is too soon.  What if we both die in a plane crash?  What if we don’t enjoy ourselves?

Finally we decided that we need the time together.  Maybe the timing isn’t perfect, maybe we’ll spend a lot of time holding hands and processing our grief as we watch waves savagely crash on the rocks of the Oregon beaches, or maybe….just maybe…this will be wonderful.

Since losing Dad, my marriage has become less of a priority.  I am too busy surviving the emotions, the continuing difficulties with Hugh’s family, and the exhausting “to-do” list of my life.  Hugh and I make time to talk, and occasionally connect late at night, but nothing more.

My relationship with Hugh feels more like a friendship lately.  He is my best friend and he lost his father.  I have to help him through the pain.  But we don’t actually laugh and relax in each other’s presence.  We are methodically helping each other navigate the sudden pain of death.

But today we begin a celebration in the middle of the grief.  We are celebrating ten years of marriage.  Ten years of touching, ten years of sticking it out when we hurt each other, ten years of buying books together.  Ten years of raising our children, ten years of avoiding all types of lawn maintenance, ten years of confronting each other and encouraging each other to pursue God instead of being consumed with busyness.

I can celebrate in the sadness.  David raised a son that I am spending my life loving.  I want to take the next week and wander around the Pacific Coast with that son, falling in love again.

The bags are packed.  We leave in less than an hour now.

But I’m ready.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. April 10, 2009 7:39 am

    have a wonderful trip, jess and hugh, and happy anniversary! ten years is no small accomplishment!

  2. Alicia permalink
    April 10, 2009 7:54 am

    Have a wonderful trip….you deserve it!! Happy Anniversary and Congratulations on ten years!!

  3. Amanda McEwen permalink
    April 10, 2009 8:25 am

    HAVE A GREAT TIME!! I am so glad you guys are going ;). Your marriage is something to celebrate. Take lots of pictures. I expect a slideshow presentation when you get back. I love you both and am so so so blessed to have been blessed by your marriage in many ways!
    Mander 🙂

  4. April 10, 2009 10:55 am

    Have a great time! And congrats on 10 years! Hopefully we get some sun over here for you in the next week 🙂

  5. April 10, 2009 12:40 pm

    I am thinking the timing actually may be just right!
    I am praying that this will be such a sweet time…one of celebration, one of relaxation, one of refreshing, one of reconnecting.

    Happy Anniversary, friend!

  6. April 10, 2009 6:09 pm

    Have a wonderful trip–celebrating, reconnecting, grieving, healing, and all. You need each other, and this is a great time for the two of you to get away. The timing is absolutely perfect. (((hugs))).

  7. April 13, 2009 8:38 pm

    Have fun on this trip and use it to reconnect as lovers, not just friends. Woo – yup I said it, and it’s okay, cause you’re married – TEN YEARS EVEN!

  8. April 14, 2009 12:39 am

    Jess, I’m praying you and Hugh have a MARVELOUS time! And am jealous of your trip to Powell’s! (I live not too far from Portland but am always there with many small kids making bookstore browsing a bit of a nightmare!). I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog, I gave you a Friendship award. It will be there when you get back!

  9. April 16, 2009 10:09 am

    Hello- have I ever told you, you are a fantastic writer? I think I have a time or two. The way you honestly express yourself by stringing together the English language is a beautiful art you have been given.

    Have a fantastic trip.

  10. April 17, 2009 10:11 pm

    Will not be selfish. Will not wish Jess was back. I am glad she is having fun with her man.
    I just miss her.

    🙂 Praying you are having a great time!
    Just wanted to let you know the bloggy world MISSES you!

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