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…in my notebook…

April 26, 2009

Dear God…Good morning.

Okay, Lord.  Yesterday was horrible.  I mean, everything about my morning that could go wrong… did go wrong.

In fact, it’s not just yesterday that was hard, Jesus.  Everything feels hard lately.  And I’d like to pray – see, I’m TRYING TO PRAY right now…

But I get distracted.

Here is a list of everything I am currently distracted about while I’m trying to pray right now, okay?

1. My house is really messy
2. I was late to school yesterday and I am really upset about it
3. I have a rash. A. RASH. (I don’t even know when I’ve had a rash before…maybe when I was eight?)
4. Parent X at school who was extremely hateful to me – big time. It drains, drains, drains me, God
5. I have to do Assembly next week at school
6. My kids might have this heart problem
7. I have this generalized feeling that there is not enough of me to go around

DO YOU BELIEVE I CAN TAKE CARE OF ALL OF THAT, JESS?

To be honest, not really.

WHEN YOU DON’T TALK TO ME ABOUT THESE THINGS, I DON’T HELP YOU.

Can’t you do it anyway, God, even if I haven’t talked to You? I mean, You ARE God.

IF I MOVED IN THESE AREAS WITHOUT US TALKING FIRST, THEN WHAT IS THE POINT OF US BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP, JESS?

It’s really hard to be in a relationship with you right now, God. I feel so stressed out and so busy. I remember years – YEARS – where you were my first priority. How did this happen? How did it happen that you’re not my first priority anymore?

LITTLE BY LITTLE, JESS.

So what am I supposed to do, Lord? What if I made you my first priority again? I don’t really know how to start.

START TODAY. TODAY MAKE ME YOUR FIRST PRIORITY. BRING ME IN TO THIS DAY, DAUGHTER. REMEMBER THAT YOU CAN “COME TO ME, ALL OF YOU WHO ARE WEARY AND CARRY HEAVY BURDENS, AND I WILL GIVE YOU REST.”

Wow. That was good. I mean, that verse, Lord. That’s a great verse. So what does this mean for the list I told you about at the beginning of our talk, huh?

THAT LIST IS NOT MY LIST. WHY DON’T YOU TRY LETTING ME LEAD. TAKE MY YOKE UPON YOU. LET ME TEACH YOU. YOU’LL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOUL, JESS.

Okay, Lord. Thank you. Thank you for talking – really talking – to me. I feel hopeful, you know? Like maybe I can start with today. I can come to you in my weariness and you will be there. I love you, Jesus. I really love you.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. April 26, 2009 2:06 pm

    awesome post, and yes that IS an awesome verse.

    i am so very distracted now too…. and i am trying not be be. its just so hard to focus.

  2. April 26, 2009 8:29 pm

    you bring to mind a song i’ve hear at church a LOT lately- it’s Misty Edwards’ “You Won’t Relent.” if you haven’t heard it, the lyrics are

    You won’t relent
    Until You have it all
    My heart is Yours

    I’ll set You as a seal upon my heart
    As a seal upon my arm
    For there is love that is as strong as death
    Jealousy demanding as the grave
    And many waters cannot quench this love

    Come be the fire inside of me
    Come be the flame upon my heart
    Come be the fire inside of me
    Until You and I are one

    and you can watch/listen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a3spvQYlB-I if you want to.

  3. Becky permalink
    April 26, 2009 8:47 pm

    Just wanted to say I love you and prayed for you today friend!

  4. Karen permalink
    April 26, 2009 9:01 pm

    Thanks for posting this. I need the reminder myself. 🙂

  5. Alicia permalink
    April 28, 2009 7:51 am

    Wow….so convicting!!! Thank you, Jess for being real.

    Thank you, Lord, for Jess who is willing to be real and help others in the process. Thank you for the reminder that You are more than able to help in EVERY situation I face, but I need to come to You and talk to You about it. I love you Jesus!

    Thank you again, my sister!

    Love,
    Alicia

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