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Coming Home

May 5, 2009

“I am moving to your part of town,” she said yesterday in an email.

I felt cold as I read her words; numbness tinged with fear usually accompanies any contact I have with my mom.

“I have spoken to Prophet Bob,” she continued, “and he says that you suffer from false memory syndrome…That is why you have cut me out of your life.”

Her words went on. I read them quickly – forgetting that I should never read emails from mother.

In less than two hours I was supposed to leave for a new Bible study at our church. I read the description in the bulletin on Sunday and figured I needed to be in a group that “teaches contemplative prayer and how to get closer to Jesus.”

After reading the email from my mom, though, I decided not to go. Screw new Bible studies, I thought. I’m not up for meeting new people and feeling stupid. Besides, I’d already changed out of my work clothes and taken off my makeup.

I sat on my chair, heart racing while I waited to talk to Hugh about the email from my mom.

Prophet Bob…She’s moving here…What if I see her?…Why is she so crazy?… My thoughts tumbled around.

Finally, Hugh called.

“I saw the email from your mom, Jess. She…she’s a crazy liar, Sweetie. Don’t worry about this email, kay?”


“Do you still want to go to that new Bible study tonight? I’ll be home in a few minutes.”

No, I don’t, I thought. I want to watch Battlestar Galactica all night and completely veg out. I want to ignore the laundry and eat ice cream and read blogs.

“I do want to go,” I blurted out, surprising myself.

So, after the hardest day I’ve had since losing David, I found myself in room A222 with twenty-five women ready to listen to Miss Bettie talk about prayer.

She talked about Jesus, she encouraged us to pray, and she told us specific ways we can begin to sit at the feet of our Savior.

For two hours I took notes on prayer, read my Bible, and soaked in the tangible Presence of God.

And, for the first time in a long time, I got up this morning and really entered into the Holy of Holies in my Prayer Chair. I felt renewed, refreshed, and ready to get to know God again.

Instead of laying down and allowing the muck of this world to overwhelm me, I shook it off and focused on God.


I’m so grateful, really. I need Him every day, but I needed Him desperately yesterday.

And He was faithful. Again.

In fact, I’m almost glad I got the email from my mom. It’s a reminder of how far the Lord has brought me. He’s lifted me up out of the pit. He’s given me a song to sing. I have a testimony about my Jesus that declares He rescued me from a childhood of dysfunction and pain.

He’s worth it. He’s worth getting up early and going to a new Bible study (even if I feel lame).

He’s worth knowing deeply again.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. May 5, 2009 6:59 am

    It’s when we need to go to God the most that Satan finds ways to give us the idea that we really don’t feel like going. As if TV could EVER replace time with Jesus! I’m glad He helped you rise above the urge to veg.

  2. May 5, 2009 9:49 pm

    Hey, Jess.
    Sometimes I don’t comment because I just don’t know what to say. I am afraid I’ll sound like some moron who should just mind her own business. But I care about you from my year of coming by here, so I’m just not gonna let goofy worry stop me from commenting.

    I am so sorry about the e-mail from your mom. I cannot imagine how it felt getting that. But I am so very glad you not only went to Bible study, but that you also had such a precious time with the Lord the next morning.

    I know He absolutely adores you and He wants you to do exactly what you did…run straight into His WIDE open arms.

    Love you. Praying for you.

  3. Amanda McEwen permalink
    May 6, 2009 7:58 am

    Let her come!! And then let me at her!!! heeeee. I am so proud of you. This did not shake you like it used too. You rose again fast sweetie. Love you.

  4. May 10, 2009 6:54 pm

    I know EXACTLY how you feel. Everytime I hear from my mom it dreads up all the terrible feelings of my childhood. She also lies…says she’s going to call my Pastor & tell him what a terrible person I am.

    I’m glad you’ve come so far. Keep it up.

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