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Over the River, Through the Woods

May 19, 2009

My mother-in-law won’t come visit us.  She hasn’t seen her grandchildren since the day we buried David.   I can’t convince her to come to Charlotte.  No amount of bribing, pleading, and crying is working.

She tried to come last month.  She made it about an hour from her house and then turned around.

“I have to be home,” she said.

I understand some days and other days I feel angry.

Hugh, the kids, and I make up the majority of her family now.  Doesn’t she see that?  Doesn’t she understand we want her to come see us?


She wants us to come to Indiana, please.  She had signed Jon-David up for 4-H – for all the projects he was going to do with his Grandpa this summer.  She talks about all her plans for our summer trip up to the farm.

I am panicked at the thought of going to her home again.  The last time I was there she screamed at Hugh.  She ignored my children except to yell at them for eating on the carpet.  Lucy started wetting the bed again.

No, I don’t want to go visit her.

But she won’t come here, either.

What should I do?

Alley wrote me an email this afternoon.  She has a unique role in my life as both a good friend and a member of Hugh’s family.  She said:

…”And now, as for your kids going to Indiana to visit their grandmother.  They need to go.  You know that they need to go.  And D needs them to come.  I do agree with you that she is not capable of taking care of them by herself.  She is struggling with taking care of herself.  I know that Hugh probably has limited vacation time with work and that he has probably taken most of this year’s vacation already.  Are you able to take the kids to D’s and stay there to take care of the kids?  This would be a huge sacrifice on your part.  You will have to put aside yourself and your feelings to benefit your kids and their grandmother.   Let’s just try to think of some way to make it possible for your children to see their grandmother this summer.  We’ll figure something out, okay?”

To which I say:

If I go to my mother-in-law’s house I will die.


This is maybe a tad over dramatic.  But it was hard to read Alley’s words because there is some serious truth in them.  I know she’s right – my kids need to see their Grandmother. She needs to see my kids. I need to see her – to hug her and say, “I miss him, too, Mom.”

The needing, the seeing. It makes us family.

I just wish I could see her without going to Indiana.

I need Jesus right now in this situation.  I have got to get on my knees and ask Him for His wisdom.  I want to surrender my desires and fears into His capable hands and trust Him with this sad dilemma.

I guess that’s where I’m at today.  I’m at a place where all I can do is pray.

It’s a start.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Becky permalink
    May 19, 2009 7:23 pm

    Praying with you friend! Love you!

  2. May 20, 2009 1:00 am

    The Best start.. the only place to start.
    Praying for you also.

  3. tawny permalink
    May 20, 2009 7:45 am

    I would start with just a weekend. 🙂

  4. Laura permalink
    May 20, 2009 8:27 am

    Praying with you!

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