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No More Nirvana

May 28, 2009

“I’m worse at what I do best
And for this gift I feel blessed
Our little group has always been
And always will until the end…”

-Nirvana, Smells Like Teen Spirit

When I was a sophomore in high school, I decided to cut my hair short.  Really short.  I lived in Seattle, loved Nirvana, and wore Dr. Martens – so I figured that one-inch blond spikes would complete my look.

The day after I cut my hair, I was called a really awful name by a group of senior guys in the lunchroom.  I was carrying my tray of half-eaten peanut butter balls and pizza to the trash when one of them called out, “Hey, look at her hair, she looks like a ___________ .”

My face burned.  They laughed.  Fifteen years later, I am still embarrassed as I remember that moment.

A few days ago, a similar situation happened in my classroom.  One of my students was teased in a painful way and I’ve been reeling ever since.

Because of the incident, yesterday was one of the most difficult days I’ve had this year at school.  The day was filled  with the repercussions of the actions of some of my kids.  By the end of the school day, I started crying and couldn’t stop until I was in the bathtub at home, soaking in the hot water.

So this morning when I woke up at 5:00am, I figured I should probably go back to sleep.  Yesterday was really hard – I should make sure to be really rested for this school day.

“If your day was so awful, don’t you think you should talk to me about it?,” came the small but clear voice of the Holy Spirit.

I stumbled out of bed, made my coffee, and spent the next hour pouring out my heart to God about my students.  I told Him exactly how I was feeling and I reminded Him that I knew from personal experience how painful these situations can be.

As I sat in my prayer chair, the Lord spoke clearly.  He told me that He is the One who is in charge of each one of my precious students and He told me to lay down my heavy responsibility.  I am not the one ultimately in charge of these kids or my classroom – HE is.  My responsibility is to live submitted to Him, pausing to hear His voice and obeying His commands.

I feel three hundred pounds lighter now.  The worry of yesterday is gone, replaced by trust and hope in my God.  I am confident again in the only thing I can really count on – Jesus.

I am now ready to take a deep breath and get ready for a new day, filled with joy and hope in the One who takes my burdens and lifts me up from hard days, filling me with strength and energy to love my world.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 28, 2009 9:36 am

    I am so glad we can pour it all out to Him…and then He pours all we need into us.

    Oh, how I need Him and love Him.

    Love you.

  2. May 28, 2009 11:39 am

    wow, awesome blog!

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