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Beginning Yoga with Ron Lee

June 23, 2009

(Calm music plays as Ron Lee steps on to the blue mat)

Lee:  Breathe in…Deeply…Feel the breath moving up your belly…Now release.

Jess (trying to unroll her blue mat): Crap.  Where’s the remote to pause…?

Lee:  Breathe again…The air is moving into your throat…Release.

(Jess begins breathing on newly unrolled mat.  Sweat is already forming on her forehead)

Lee:  Are you ready to relax?

Jess:  Not really.

Lee:  Stand at the edge of your mat.

(Jess tries to get up while Lee continues talking and giving instructions)

Lee:  Assume the standing dog position.  Now lower.  Now breathe.  Now repeat.

Jess (still getting up):  Standing dog???? Omigosh! What is the standing dog position?

Lee:  Now raise your hands.  Now lower into side position.  Now back.  Now front.  Now repeat.

Jess:  What?  WHAT???

Lee:  Sit.  Stand.  Repeat.  Standing Dog.  Breathe.  Arms out.  In.  Down.  Repeat.

Jess (one leg on the mat, one leg off in a sad attempt at standing dog position):  I can do this.  I can do this.

Lee:  Now warrior position.  Down.  Second warrior position.  Repeat.  Breathe.

(Music gets louder as Lee looks incredible peaceful.  Jess had collapsed on the blue mat)

Lee:  Breathe.  Breathe out the toxins.

Jess (groaning):  Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh…………

Lee: Are you breathing?

Jess: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….

Lee:  Now stand and repeat.  Begin to –

Jess (grabbing remote, she weakly waves it at the DVD player and turns it off):  Nope.  I’m done.

(Jess grabs the DVD out of the player and chucks it in the trash.  She then hobbles to a chair and assumes the “sitting down and reading blogs” position.  She is obviously finished with yoga for today.)

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. June 23, 2009 11:52 am

    I am not going to be helpful because as I am sitting here reading blogs, I am eating yesterday’s rum cake and, no kidding, Jillian is in the other room on the dvd shouting, “C’mon! Five more! Don’t phone it in!”
    Phone THIS in, Jillian…

  2. Smilla permalink
    June 23, 2009 2:17 pm

    Try yogatoday.com – they have a free online class which is generally very good and easy to follow.

    And don’t despair – it took me 2 years to finally learn how to do a headstand.

    Good luck –
    Smilla

  3. June 23, 2009 4:16 pm

    Hate exercise! We should have a support group for those of us who hate it. Oh, there is one. It’s called Weight Watchers. LOL!!!!

  4. Alicia permalink
    June 24, 2009 8:56 am

    LOL!!! Baby steps, Jess, baby steps….

    Praying for you!

  5. June 24, 2009 4:58 pm

    You’re hilarious! Glad I’m not the only one breaking a sweat during yoga…

  6. June 24, 2009 6:28 pm

    LOOOOVE the Jane Fonda picture!

  7. Karen permalink
    June 24, 2009 8:59 pm

    Lol! Personally, I’m a big fan of Sara Ivanhoe’s Basic Yoga for Dummies…it’s more my pace!!

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