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Starting to type.

July 29, 2010

Last year I taught a girl who is a brilliant writer.  I told her to start a blog and she did. And it’s great.  But I feel insecure when I read it because she is a lot more talented than I am and I feel like a crap teacher.

In two weeks I will go back to school and I am teaching (among other things) a 10th grade English class.  And it’s great.  But I’m scared because I haven’t been writing lately and that is what I want to offer my students – the “write write write because I write write write” thing. So I feel like I am a liar.  And I made my blog private for the last two days because I’m so insecure.

Then Hugh sent me this link by Donald Miller.  And it’s great.  The post has a poem by my favorite poet Billy Collins.  It contains the word “penis” and it’s funny and makes me want to brew coffee and spend the day at my keyboard, trying to find my love for words again.

But I feel too scared lately to write.  Too many things I can’t write about.  And I’m scared because a couple of years ago some people read my blog and said some really bad things about me and I wanted to yell at them and say “it’s just a stupid blog and I don’t even know you, why are you writing me an email and why am I still letting you have power over me?”.

But then I think about my student, who sits in bookstores and writes these posts on her blog because maybe – just maybe – months ago I told her she was a wonderful writer.

So, I, too, start typing again.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. paragonservice permalink
    July 29, 2010 7:22 am

    Jess, thanks for unblocking your blog. I was devastated yesterday when I couldn’t get in. I count on your gut level honesty.
    And just so you can relate, I take it personally when you block us! How stupid is that?
    So, please, just keep writing and I’ll keep reading and lifting you up in prayer. Love, Laura

  2. Christie permalink
    July 29, 2010 8:48 am

    I was disappointed as well when your page was private. Reading your blog gives me a sense that I’m still connected to my old friend. Please stop letting your insecurities get the better of you. Somehow, you still don’t see yourself in the same light that we, your readers, and God do. Most of your posts have a charming cadence that would rival most writers out there today. You are witty and gut wrenchingly honest when you write, and you do it with intelligence. Your writing is important to a lot of us out here in cyberspace. You are important to us.

  3. July 29, 2010 8:15 pm

    Jess, I am so glad you made your blog available again. My friend & I were so upset, we feel like we know you and we were worried about you! Your writing is…beautiful, raw, honest. Thank you. You inspire me to let loose and write it all out. Thank you Jess! (and know that that there are at least 2 other married, with kids, working moms out there who support you and lift you up in prayer)

  4. July 29, 2010 9:27 pm

    Glad to have you back. (((HUGS))) (And I would love to be half the writer you are).

  5. Monica permalink
    July 30, 2010 4:51 pm

    You’re not a liar, and you’re an amazing writer, and without your encouraging/teaching/motivating my writing probably would have dribbled away months ago.

  6. July 30, 2010 8:45 pm

    I am quite familiar with the struggle of sensoring myself. There are times that if I said what was really going on…..well…..let’s just say it would be bad. So I keep that between me and God. Oh, and sometime you of course dear friend.

  7. September 6, 2010 12:32 pm

    I was just re-reading some of your posts, and this struck me: if a student is talented, it’s a testament to the teacher.

    Just sayin.’ 🙂

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