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A little lighter

July 10, 2011

In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From His temple He heard my voice…

This morning I woke up and I prayed.

I am spiritually weak, almost dead, but my current life circumstances drew me to Him.

Yesterday Hugh went to pick up our kids from his mother in Indiana – she kept them for a week, something that hasn’t happened since David died over two years ago. She and David used to keep the kids for us several times a year – and I took it for granted, really.

While Hugh was gone, he asked me to work on our budget. Big mistake. Not that he asked me (he’s been asking for weeks) but that I was by myself when I sat down and crunched the “post-Jess-has-a-job” numbers.

I faithfully entered numbers in little categories, then started crying. I don’t see how we can afford three private school tuitions without my job. And, to be really honest, I don’t want the kids to continue attending the school where I used to teach. It is painful to see my old students and old co-workers.

But public school? We’ve never considered it. Homeschool? I’m terrified to try with my illness – afraid that homeschooling would turn into “watch tv all day while Mommy sleeps because it’s a bad pain day” instead of real learning.

So I got up early and prayed for a really long time. I was honest with God about my feelings. I read Psalm 18 and listened to Jesus Culture on Pandora. I wrote some verses in my Prayer Notebook.

And I don’t have any answers, but my load feels a little lighter right now. I’m a little stronger as I face this day.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. Solveig Engh permalink
    July 10, 2011 9:37 pm

    Where there’s life, there’s hope. I suppose that isn’t Scripture, but I believe it is Truth. Jesus is alive and He offers endless possibilities.He keeps the whole word together by the word of His power and we’re His primary interest.

    P.S. Private schools are good, but public schools aren’t all bad. I’m not saying you should send your kids there, but it might be good to pray about the possibility.

  2. July 10, 2011 10:07 pm

    There are so many options for you and your family! Homeschooling is a wonderful option for getting your budget under control, making the most of those days that you really feel great and want to build memories instead of sending them off to school … we loved that season of our school life … AJ also went to public school for 3 years and now will enter his 2nd year of private Christian School …

    each school setting was perfect … for a season … give yourself permission to do what you need to do this year … relaxed homeschooling is a wonderful option … and my son who homeschooled for 6 years … well his GPA for his first year of high school is 3.83 … and he lettered in 3 sports … and selected for a leadership program … and one year of homeschooling depression nearly incapacitated me … and The LORD was our redeemer!!! Pray … ask Him to show you. I promise He will!!

  3. July 11, 2011 7:42 am

    Jess, I will be praying about this too….Here is another idea, I don’t know what is available in state you are in, but what about cyber school…they do it at home, some even have virtual classes….just a thought!

    If I didn’t have a Christian school to send my kids to, we would do this option. My (step) daughter is doing cyber school and she goes to the Christian school where her dad is the principal since her mom will not allow her to do the Christian school curriculum…


  4. July 14, 2011 3:25 pm

    oh, jess! Everything will be ok. I’m sure of it! I pray for you all the time. We are in the process of moving into a travel trailer and putting our house up for rent to save some money for a while. We are also homeschooling, and I can honestly say that we rarely do book work. We mostly learn hands on watching me do things around the house or at the store. I am sick too, and I also have RA. My kids are young and smart and so far so good. When we do book work they are great, but i try not to beat myself up over it when I can’t do much that day. You will be fine if you follow the lords instruction. Just continue to pray over it, and trust in what he tells you – even if it sounds a little crazy and hard to do (like give up everything you own and move into a camper full time with two kids! LOL!)

    I pray for you all the time. I seriously love you and your family with all of my heart and I know you guys can make it through this.


  5. July 14, 2011 3:26 pm

    also, i know this is random… but do you have streaming netflix? If so, i totally recommend watching Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I just saw it a few days ago and i felt like it was a story about my life! Just wanted to share that with you. 🙂

  6. July 28, 2011 4:05 pm

    Jess, I know that God has just the right plan for you and your family with regards to the kids’ education. If He wants them in the private school, He will provide. And don’t be so quick to give up on homeschooling. Kids learn FAR more than we realize all the time. Cyber-schooling (like K-12, which is now available in many states as part of the public school system) is a great option in your situation, but so is traditional homeschooling. Sonlight curriculum is great and there’s TONS of family reading which would be great in your condition. Just please remember that you have lots of people praying for you and that God IS in control and that HE knew you’d be in this situation and it’s no surprise to Him, but rather part of His plan from the beginning. Much love.

  7. August 8, 2011 12:17 pm

    Just dropping by to say I love you, I miss you, I’m thinking about you, and I’m praying for you. (((hugs)))

  8. August 16, 2011 8:36 pm

    thought of you today as I was wandering through my blog reader …haven’t seen you post in a while so I stopped to pray.

  9. October 28, 2011 8:30 am

    Been praying for you and yours over the summer and fall.

  10. November 29, 2011 12:52 pm

    Just checking in to see how you are doing. I miss seeing your post. You are such a gifted writer.
    I hope you and your family are well. Praying for you.

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